Laid aside

Called - but laid aside from fulfilling my calling.

Sometimes the tension between waiting quietly for the Lord and following the maxim "God helps those who help themselves" comes into sharp focus. Looking for a pastorate is one of those times.

The instinct to follow my calling is very strong because the call was overwhelming in the first place. It came when I was a student of modern languages, 20 or 21 years old. I was in Le Havre in France as an English Assistant. This was not a very demanding job. You were expected to spend most of your time mixing with French people and improving your language skills. One day a French teacher colleague, a practising Catholic, invited me to his home for a meal. We talked in the way the French do - deep conversation rather than small talk. The topic must have turned to religion at some point, though I can remember nothing about that. All I can remember was the teacher suddenly asking, "Why don't you become a pastor in your church?" It was like a revelation; like scales falling off my eyes. Where before I had seen pastors as weaklings, now I could see the challenge of the work and that it would take up my life's energies. I have never looked back.

Without a pastorate I feel like a fish out of water. But how hard should I try to jump back in? The churches scream, "You will wait for us; our timing is the Lord's timing." My instinct whispers insistently, "Leave no stone unturned; it's no good expecting pastorates to drop into your lap." How to reconcile the two voices is beyond me. All I can say is that invitations to preach are coming in from various local churches. I welcome them, and offer myself to the Lord as a resource for the churches during this time of waiting. Look for what's to come, but don't turn away what's already here.