Mis-speaking

Lately I have been revisiting some lovely little books penned by a wonderful, godly man I met during my ministry in Banbury (1984-1994). He was a Scripture Union children’s evangelist of long standing who retired during my time there. In Christian work, however, we never really retire, and Stephen English kept busy preaching, speaking at meetings and writing.

One such book was entitled “That’s not what I meant”. It was a humorous collection of things people said which were obviously kindly meant but framed in badly chosen words.

A fair few of these came from people who were chairing the meetings where Stephen used to speak. He tells this story about one of them. “She was in charge of the meeting so she was entitled to say whatever she wished. However, I was not ready for the words about to be spoken. To the somewhat astonished company, our host announced, ‘We will not sing extra choruses this week as we usually do, for we all know that Mr English has far too much to say.'

“Oh no! I’m not that self-opinionated, am I? That is what she implied, didn't she? 'He has far too much to say.' I hope I know what she meant.”
Stephen goes on to talk about how any preacher worth his or her salt will have an endless supply of material that they could speak about - the Christian life, its joys and peace as well as its discipline and its responsibilities to others. “We are speaking about the inexhaustible riches of Christ,” he comments. “A hymn speaks of 'A deep, unfathomable mine’ of truth about him.”

"Yes, lady,” Stephen felt like saying to the woman chairing the meeting, “I am guilty of having too much to say, because of what God has done for us. There are not words enough for that."

At the same time, Stephen admits that preachers should keep reminding themselves of the basic simplicity of the good news about Jesus. After all, Jesus did announce, “Come to me … and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28 ESV).

Stephen closes with a prayer, “In all the words I speak may the name of Jesus have the preeminence."

I hope I am tolerant of people who unintentionally “mis-speak”, as the expression is. We rarely think of the intricate physiological processes of speech, but it is hard work bringing ideas from the brain, putting them into words and stringing them together in spoken sentences. All too often I become aware that the things I mean to say don’t come out quite right. That doesn’t excuse me for causing offence to someone. It may dawn on me that what I said was hurtful and may need to apologise. I may also have to appeal to the other person to be patient while I re-phrase the words that went wrong.

A young Christian couple once memorably impressed me. The husband had fertility issues. His wife felt, naturally, very frustrated: her instinct to start a family was being baulked by her husband’s inability. Cruel words kept coming to her mind that would have put him down and made him feel useless. Yet time and again she resisted saying them. She was quite open about this, and her husband bravely understood and appreciated her kindness. I'm delighted to be able to add that they now have children of their own.

“Let your conversation be always gracious, and never insipid; study how best to talk with each person you meet,” advises the apostle Paul (Colossians 4:6 NEB). As my friend Stephen counselled, in all the words I speak may the name of Jesus - and the nature of Jesus too - have the preeminence.