"The entrance of love into our hearts means the exit of fear," the daily notes screamed at me this morning, inspired by 1 John 4:18. I am painfully aware that my fears haven't exited, so I wonder whether the love is struggling to get in. This comes home to me whenever I step on ice.
I shy away from any risk of losing my balance. Last Christmas time my feet slid forward suddenly on some black ice and and I fell heavily on the base of my spine. It took weeks for my bones and muscles to readjust themselves. To protect me in this cold snap I bought an invention that slips over the soles and heels of your shoes and contains tiny tungsten spikes that grip the ice. I feel a bit of a fool wearing this because most of the time it is only gripping on tarmac and wearing out.
Of course John is talking about other fears that more directly involve a failure of love. A writer made a list which began with "Suspicion, mistrust, fear of exposure or exploitation ..." It is certainly tempting to over-protect oneself against what others might do or say. Breakdowns in relationships, and even wars, can result. It is also a betrayal of Jesus, because Jesus did not protect Himself against the cross, which was for our benefit.
Even while hope rises that a new pastorate will come my way before long, I feel vulnerable. Will the tender shoots of hope be crushed at the last minute? You scrutinise every word, every slightest signal, and fear that others are doing the same in regard to you. Christian love does not come easy when the desired outcome is not yet in the bag. In the meantime, however, there are many opportunities to show care and concern, even at some risk. Each opportunity taken gives you the confidence that, however imperfectly, you can still show a love that warms God's heart.
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