Managing Memories

The management of memories is surely an art rather than a science. It is certainly a happy hunting ground for counsellors and psychologists. People suffering from post-traumatic stress may need help to confront their demons – nightmares which surface unbidden and cause acute anxiety and agitation. One counsellor may suggest recalling the ugly incident that gave rise to the problem, blow by blow, until it is projected outside of the sufferer’s personality. Another might suggest replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones. There is no simple formula. Skill, intuition, empathy – all may play their part in the art of helping a broken person back to wholeness.

I’ve recently been using some spare time to scan my old paper photographs into the computer. Seeing them again has brought back a whole variety of memories: some pleasurable, some not. The one above is a mixture. It is a self-portrait taken in the days before the craze for “selfies”. I cannot remember the exact date but it was towards the end of my longest and happiest spell in the ministry, in Banbury, Oxfordshire. The over-exposed and out-of-focus image still manages to display contentment in the surroundings which had become familiar and pleasant to me over that time. On the other hand, it may also reveal a hint of sadness. Storm clouds were gathering over the old church denomination where I had been securely cocooned for nearly 15 years. Its national body was poised to take decisions that would lead me into a painful move and an uncertain future outside.

One piece of self-help for managing memories is to realise that my old photos are at my disposal. That photo of mixed memories is one I’ve kept. But I’ve found it useful to shred those images which really jar with me today. It is like taking charge of a bit of my history. I am not shredding people or places; I am only letting go of unfortunate images.

Nobody who does this should be under any illusions about wiping out inconvenient truths. If a painful memory represents something in me that is inconsistent with being a Christian and has not been dealt with, I need to deal with it. Shredding a photograph cannot achieve that for me. The truth will only come back to bite me.

On the other hand, it is at least as likely that I have nothing to blame myself for. The bad memory then comes from someone dumping a feeling of frustration and guilt on to me (some individuals, sadly, have the knack of doing that). The task now is to affirm that that person will no longer dictate my thought life. Of course, that also implies that I must resist all anger and any thought of revenge. True, I may not wish to see the person again, and the thought that this might happen may fill me with apprehension. But we are not Siamese twins, the person and I: I have my life to lead, the other individual has his or hers, and it is down to us to get on with it.

At first I used to worry about whether God ever meant us to leave any memory behind, however painful. There are always lessons to be learnt. But a kind Christian friend reminded me of the words of the apostle Paul. Paul carried into his new-found Christian faith baggage which could induce both pride and guilt: religious purity and murderous fanaticism. Yet by God’s grace he was simply overwhelmed by what Jesus Christ had done for him. All he wanted to do now was follow where his Master had gone before, through death and on to the crown of eternal life.

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him ... 

One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. (Philippians 3:8-16 ESV)

Don’t just shred the bad memories past; strain for the prize that lies ahead!

Slavery

It was at Jersey Airport, a number of years ago. I was in the check-in area. On top of a desk stood a weighing machine. The back of it carried prominently the name of the manufacturing company – a well-known one. Someone had written in big felt-tip pen the letters “SL” in front of it. The result was there for all to see: “SLAVERY”.

I smiled. A little imagination conjured up a scenario. An employee, disenchanted with his work or perhaps just having a bad day, had added the letters to make a point. His conditions of work amounted to slavery, at least as he saw it.

Of course, real slavery, ancient or modern, is usually a much more degrading and oppressive business for the sufferer. A slave was viewed as little better than an inanimate tool. The slave could be abused in almost any way the owner chose – there were few sanctions against it from the law or from society.

In light of this, the way the Bible views slaves and slavery can come as something of a shock. Whom do the writers of the New Testament regard as the king-pin of ancient society? Is it the emperor, at the top of the social pyramid? Or the army general? Or the merchants, or the heads of families, around whom so much of social and household life revolved? No! Believe it or not … it is the slave!

“How can this be?” you ask. Did we in this country not fight a lengthy battle to rid the world of slavery? We are proud of the fact that William Wilberforce, a British parliamentarian, finally steered the Slave Trade Act through to the statute book. This struck the first blow towards ridding the world for ever of the vile practice of slavery. We rightly have a horror of this distasteful trade rearing its ugly head again in the form of people-trafficking, “modern slavery”.

I don’t believe for a moment that early Christian stalwarts like the apostles Paul and Peter ever intended to give the institution of slavery their seal of approval. Yet for them one feature at least about the slave could be an inspiration.

Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

“He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. (1 Peter 2:18-24 NIV)

If Christian slaves suffered unjustly and yet kept a dignified composure, they gained credit with those around them. Better still, they reflected in a small way the character of their Master. The Lord Jesus was insulted, abused and finally put to death. Philippians (2:7) says that he “made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness”. He did so in total obedience to God His Father. In His wounds we find healing for our sins. He was subsequently raised from death. In His wake we followers, too, may be raised.

Jesus Christ did not endorse slavery for one moment. Yet He raised slaves to a new level of dignity by the way, slave-like, He handled abuse and unjust suffering. This is a lesson that needs to be learned again in a day when we are so ready to insist on our supposed rights. Don’t get me wrong: nobody is called to be a doormat. But by what right should we expect better treatment than our Master?